So I said :  "Why do I always have to?  Why do I always have to take him?"
"I'll tell you what" - that's what she said - "I'll tell you what - we'll talk about this later or you'll be very sorry about the mess   you'll be picking up!"

I'm not saying what I said, but I grabbed the little bugger by his hand and started helpin' him up the stairs to the bathroom.  So guess what he says?  "I wanna do it all by myself."  Do you believe it?  So I say: "Did you hear that?"  And my mother says:  "I don't care what he said, I told you to take him!"  So I'm stuck with him.  Believe it!

Anyway, he's not so bad. I mean, he can be kinda cute, sometimes.  But I wanted to go upstreet, and I knew that he would just take-his-sweet-time. Why can't kids be like dogs, and hold it until you feel like takin' 'em for a walk, that's what I say.

So anyway, we're halfway up the stairs and he's double-steppin' 'em - you know what I mean - so it's taking twice as long, and I just give him a little yank, you know, to hurry him up, and he looks like he's gonna start bawlin' any second - you'd think that he was the one being humiliated!

Yeah, Yeah . . . Uh huh - we finally made it all the way up the stairs and all the way down the hall, and Annie is in the bathroom.  Of course!  So I said: "You better get outta there right now, or I won't be responsible!"  And she said:  "You can kiss-my-ass on the way out, and good luck findin' any toilet paper in this place!"  So, by this time he's jumpin' up and down and holdin' himself so tight that his ears are turnin' purple, and I said:  "You unlock this door this minute, and let him go in the bathtub if you're not finished, he's just a baby, you know."   And he starts yellin' that he is not a baby and I better not call him a baby and that he is not crying at all!

Oh . . . uh, he'll be four in a couple of months.

Yeah - she finally got out.  Just in time, I'm tellin' you.  So he's over there at the john - he doesn't have the greatest aim, yet, but he tries, you know - and Annie is so mad 'cause I kicked her out, that she kicks the door from the other side and guess what?  Her big foot comes right through the bottom of the door.  Broke right through!  So, I did not say a word, but she could hear me laughin', 'cause I knew she was in big trouble, you know.  I guess she couldn't stand it - me laughin' at her - so the next thing I know she breaks the door down!  Broke the new lock and everything!  Then she just strolls back down the hall like nothin' ever happened.

So then I find the toilet paper - it was right there - and hand some to him.  And he says: "Boys don't have to."  So I said: "What do you mean, boys don't have to?"  And he says they just shake it off.

Well, I wasn't gonna let him get away with that, so I said:  "If girls have to, boys have to," and I made him wipe it off.  Damn right.
So I figure, fine, I flush the john and I get him all set to go, and what does he say when I get him to the doorway?  "I gotta do number two."  Do you believe it?  I just wanted to scream.  So I get him back to the john and he gets his pants off and I get him onto the seat - but I've gotta stay there and watch him so he doesn't fall in, of course.  By now it's, like, four o'clock and I'm never gonna get out of here.

So I sit on the edge of the bathtub, where else?, so I can watch him, and he says he can't go if I'm lookin' at him.  Believe it!  So - I've gotta stay in there with him, but I can't look at him.  He's a stubborn little shit, sometimes.

Anyway - God, it is so boring - so I've gotta do something, right?  So I get the plunger and I start pullin' up the linoleum tiles with it, you know.

Oh yeah - well, you have to slam it down pretty hard.  Sometimes you have to stand on it a little bit, to get the suction goin' just right - and then you just pull straight up as hard as you can.  Works every time, almost.  So he says he's gonna tell!  After all I've done for him!  So I put the plunger back, and go sit on the bathtub, again.  And you know how you can see into my room from the bathroom, 'cause it's across the hall?  Well, I saw the ladder to the bunk beds - you know, it's that cast iron or something - so I went and got it.

Well, I had to have something to do.

Anyway - so I'm trying to climb up the ladder in the middle of the bathroom, tryin' to keep my balance, you know.  I finally managed to get four rungs up and wouldn't you know - just my luck I fall over right on top of him, sittin' on the john, and he gets hit right on the head with the ladder, and me on top of it.  So he starts hollering!

What? Well yeah, sure it hurt, but that's no reason to get me in trouble!

Anyway, there's blood pouring all down the side of his head, and I'm trying to scoop it up and telling him to shut up 'cause I'll get in trouble, but does he care?  He's still screamin'.  And the next thing I know Mommy and Daddy are there, and they get him off the pot and put a towel on his head, and take him across the hall and put him on my bed.  On my bed!  He got blood all over it!

I don't think anybody ever did wipe him.

Yeah, they took him to the hospital.  He got six stitches.  He's alright.  But I'm grounded.  They didn't do a thing to Annie about the door.

But what I wanted to tell you was: when they were drivin' him off to the hospital, I was sittin' on the front steps, crying, of course, 'cause I thought I killed him, and Lucie was out there, too, and you know what she said?:  "Good."  Do you believe it?  And just 'cause she's the oldest, and he's the youngest... What a capital B, I, T, C, H!  Her own baby brother!

 Believe it!

...........................................................................................................................................................................................
note: this story is based on a very true and not-so-funny incident that happened when I was nine, I think, and my brother, three. As always, I have taken great liberties...
So, it is dedicated, with all due apologies, respect and love, to my baby brother, who is now a wonderful father of two.